


While You're Sleeping (I'll be awake)

by evilsami



Series: 30 Day Writing Challenge [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, I am unsatisfied with the ending of Cap 3, Sam Wilson is a national treasure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:26:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7117525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilsami/pseuds/evilsami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky goes back into cryo-sleep.  Steve has to come to terms with his feelings on the subject.</p>
            </blockquote>





	While You're Sleeping (I'll be awake)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so. I'm not really sure where this came from except that I kind of really hated the ending for Cap 3. And also, Cap was wayyy too okay with Bucky going back under. There was no 'I just got you back' or 'what if there is no cure?' or 'let's try therapy instead'. Nothing. So I had feelings. I feel like I could've written more about this subject, but I also feel like that would've been about 20+ pages of angry keysmashing and the whole point of this challenge was to publish EVERY DAY something new. So. I also realized that in all of my attempts to not write any more angst (because I feel like I almost always end up writing sex/angst), I don't actually have any angst published at the moment??? So consider that fixed.
> 
> I know there was something else I was going to put here, but I don't remember what that was. So.
> 
> (I've said 'so' a lot in these notes. So.)
> 
> Day 4 of my 30-Day Writing Challenge!

Steve thought watching Bucky go under would be harder than it is. Bucky just looks like he’s going to sleep, which is what he wants, and the fact that Bucky wants anything is something to be grateful for.

There’s a kernel of something lodged in the pit of Steve’s stomach. He thinks it might be unease, but he’s having trouble giving it a name. When T’challa offers him reassurance, tells him that Bucky will be safe and taken care of, the only thing Steve lets himself feel is relief.

He’s still vaguely bothered the next day, when he goes to ransack the underwater prison holding one-half of the Avengers. He takes Sam back with him to Wakanda and thinks to himself ‘Now I’ve got both of my people in the same place. This is right.’

He’s still bothered.

Steve tries not to think about it too much that day. Or the next. Or the day after that. A whole week passes after Sam’s arrival, and the feeling Steve’s been holding in has done nothing but grow, ominous if only because Steve isn’t really sure what it even means.

T’challa seems to sense something in him, or maybe he feels that they are kindred spirits, because he spends much of his free time with Steve, discussing the politics involved with bringing Wakanda further out of its isolation (and the inner struggles of the kingdom inherently involved). Sometimes they talk about his personal life (his dead father and position as warrior) or Steve’s (his comatose best friend, dead ex-lover, and military past), but they usually try to avoid speaking too long on anything emotionally trying.

In the end, it’s Sam who identifies the thing that’s been making Steve want to vomit constantly, making him want to put his fist through every wall he can find. It’s Sam who gives it a name, an appearance.

“You’re angry,” he says. There’s no judgment, or scorn. It breaks something inside of Steve, who wants to cry with relief.

“I am,” he replies. “I am, but I’ve got no right to be. He wanted to go back to sleep. How could I have said ‘no’?”

Sam doesn’t reply at first, and Steve isn’t sure what he wants or expects him to say. He thinks it might be easier if Sam would just tell him he’s being selfish. To get over himself. He doesn’t know, but what Sam tells him instead is, “I understand.”

Steve laughs. “How could you possibly?”

He hadn’t meant to be cruel, but he wants to take the words back as soon as he says them. He doesn’t; a part of him still hopes that Sam will be angry enough to be done with him. (The rest of him is scared of the same.)

Sam remains calm, though. Probably a testament to both his friendship with Steve and his former work at the VA. “You’re feeling helpless because you couldn’t do more to help him. You want to do something now, but you can’t and it makes you restless. Part of you still wishes he’d stayed awake, just so that you wouldn’t be going through this alone, even though you’re not really alone, Steve.”

All the fight sags out of him at once. As always, Sam has his number.

“I’m sorry.”

Sam surprises him with a firm hand on his arm. “Don’t be,” he says. “I already told you; you’re not alone. You can’t be Captain America all the time. It’s fine to just be Steve, worried about Bucky. I understand.”

He does, is the thing. Steve can tell just by looking at him that Sam is probably thinking about Riley, probably thinks about him a lot even when Steve isn’t paying attention. He doesn’t even need to ask, because he knows that everything Sam said earlier is a reflection of what he, himself feels.

“I don’t know if there will ever be a way to take the programming out of his head. What do I do then? What if he never has a chance to wake up?”

“I don’t know,” Sam says. “But we’ll figure it out. Bucky’s still here; you’ve got time to get things sorted.”

Steve knows Sam’s right. He knows he’s still going to feel cornered even after this conversation. He thinks, maybe, that his shoulders feel a little lighter. He’s got T’challa’s help, and all of his resources. He’s got Sam—steady, reliable, Sam—at his side.

Steve thinks they might be okay after all—him and Sam and Bucky. He thinks, hopes really, that when this is all over, they’ll stay together, watching each other’s backs for a good, long while. Supers or no, heroes or no; Steve desperately wants that future.

He’s willing to wait for it, he thinks. 

He’s not waiting alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @evilsami on Tumblr if you'd like to prompt me! (Please prompt me before I run out of things to be inspired by!!!)
> 
> Much love.


End file.
